I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
