just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
