just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
