yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
