she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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