i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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