i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
