It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
