News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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