What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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