fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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