So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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