i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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