people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
