it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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