I want to have your abortion
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
