it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
