k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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