so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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