You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
