we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
