I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
