Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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