last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
