You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
