i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
