This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
