Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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