is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
