I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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