I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
