also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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