This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
