if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
