Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
