He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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