my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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