Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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