i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
