I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
