If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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