i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize