Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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