trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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