He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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