My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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