New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
organizing the empties. That sober.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
