Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
the day after is always just damage control
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
