It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
