omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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