yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
