I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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