I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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