I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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