sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
