it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
