All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
