Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
