It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
