I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize