Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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