You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
