my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
