This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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