Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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