How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
