Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
