forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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