I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
