don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
40s are totally the cure
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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