mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
