we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
