I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
