every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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