I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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