He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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