yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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