Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
