I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize