The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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