Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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