i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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