$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
