Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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