Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize