Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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