its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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