Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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