Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
