We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
