Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
