8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
