how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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