i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
