sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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