No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
