your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'm at about main and main street
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
