my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Randomize
