Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
FUCK WHALES
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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