So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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