My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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