Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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