U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
